I hope my brother and sister wait a long time before having kids, because I'm not nearly cool enough to be an uncle yet.

Some people say that the platypus is proof that God has a sense of humor. I think the real proof is lactose intolerance.

I take offense when people call me an alcoholic. I prefer the term "alcophile."

I wonder: if "fossils" were called "foosils," would anybody have any respect for paleontologists anymore?

I've begun to realize that most claims of car-sickness are actually thinly veiled gambits for control of the windows or air-conditioning.

I'm glad life isn't fruitless, because I really like fruit.

Today I bought $10 worth of bubbles. Life is good.